Bytebuster's answer to my last question alerted me to the name of the phenomenon of Cacography. (Yes, I understand that cacography relates to spelling and my question relates to grammar).

Since I don't expect to be fluent for some time, I figure that I might as well have fun with my ineptitude.

An English equivalent would be something along the lines of:

I no speak the English very good.

  • 1
    Can you please re-phrase the Q so that it didn't ask for an open-ended list? This is considered opinion-based at StackExchange. Commented Mar 9, 2017 at 21:06
  • I bet, any ad-hoc joke of given kind may be easily reduced to suržek, and suržek is hell serious. You may try to apply English grammar to Ukrainian - it wouldn't look like real joke and you'll sound silly, but at least you'd try
    – chizh
    Commented Mar 9, 2017 at 22:20

1 Answer 1


An equivalent for

I no speak the English very good.

could be

Моя не говорити український дуже добре.

Compare it with a correct version:

Я не дуже добре говорю українською [по-українськи].

The errors:

1) usage of моя (mine) instead of я (I).

2) usage of infinitive form of говорити (to speak) instead of Present tense form говорю (speak).

3) usage of український [мова] (Ukrainian [language]) in masculine gender instead of feminine gender – українська

4) missing Instrumental case for українська. Should be українською.

5) negation is applied to the verb instead of adverbial. Notice, that both "Я не дуже добре говорю" and "Я говорю не дуже добре" variants are OK.


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